Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Rolling baby!

Izzy's known for about a week and a half how to roll over onto her side. Initially, it freaked her out and she would cry. Then she realized it wasn't so bad... until she made it all the way over to her back. THEN she would really cry. Especially if she did it in her sleep and woke up all 'turtled.'

This morning, she's been rolling from her back to her side and I think she kinda likes it. At least she's closer to being 'safe' and tummied again.

Won't be long till she crawls.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Peanut Update

It's a little late in the game to still be calling her Peanut. I tend not to call her that to her face, though, so I guess it's ok. She's much larger than a peanut, of course. Close to 13 pounds and not even three months old yet. Breast really IS best! heh.

I should know better than to try to blog about her. Every time I mention her to someone while she's sleeping, she wakes up.

Silly mama...

Monday, August 20, 2007

In other words, I've been busy.

I forget to write here. Even when I have time, I forget to say anything.

Anyway. Peanut is here and she takes up every waking minute and even a few of the non-waking minutes. I can't believe how much fun she is or how much WORK she is. It's all so very worth it, though.

She's a month old and starting to smile on purpose.

Friday, June 29, 2007


I hate being alone.

I hate being alone and pregnant.

I hate feeling like you aren't listening.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Almost there!

Today, Peanut is just a month from being DUE. Not just "ready" to come out... DUE. I hope she comes a little bit early, though. Her daddy and I are anxious to see her and hold her.

For a long time now, I've put off really considering how much of my time will be taken up by taking care of a baby. It's obvious that she'll take up most of my time and that will mean most of OUR time... but I've always thought that somehow, we'll be able to balance it and not feel crazed.

The whatifs are setting in, though. What if she has colic? What if she doesn't like to sleep at night? What if she gets a rash that doesn't want to go away and it keeps her up ALL the time? What if I get PPD? What if family members are so busy that they aren't able to come over and give us much of a break? What if she's too heat sensitive to take her outside much? What if I don't get the hang of cloth diapering?

Ya know. That sort of thing.

That's all in one corner of my brain. In the other corner, the one that I listen to MOST, there's a voice that says this is all going to be fine and we're going to find things to be so much easier than we think. Thank the gods for THAT voice. That voice tells me that I'll have time for the boy because I will. It says we'll figure out a balance because we're so close that it's inevitable. It says Izzy will fit in with us because she's a part of us.

I'm sleepy. I have 12 more days of work and then I'm taking off to rest up before Izzy makes her appearance. Hopefully, I actually find time to really REST. I have such problems there. I can't handle sitting around when there are things that I could be doing. The house will end up being ridiculously clean, I think. We're talking window washing, ceiling dusting and baseboard scrubbing.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Elbow or knee?

I have a hard time figuring out if I'm getting jabbed by elbows or knees lately. I THINK the jabs in the upper right quadrant are knees and feet. They're crazy strong. And at the same time, I'll get little jabs in the lower left quadrant and I can feel something wedged against my hip bone. I'm thinking that's Izzy's head. She does turn from time to time and actually stretch out crosswise, making me look like I have a large football in my stomach. That's always fun/cute.

Tomorrow is 31 weeks. Only 9 to go!! I think I'll be taking off in 7, to have time to relax and really get the house ready for baby. Seems like it wouldn't take a full two weeks to do so but I don't want to feel pressured.

Heather and Shane are all engaged and whatnot. We went to Ben Wheeler to spend Mother's Day with G-ma at her church. After services, we set up for a taco lunch in the fellowship hall. Tacos are always a good way to recover from sermons... Anyway. I digress. Once everyone was ready to go, we all stopped in the foyer so Joel could say a quick prayer and he caught everyone a bit off guard when he ended with a special request for strength and courage for Shane, "to do what he needs to do and ask Heather what he needs to ask her..." I've never seen anyone propose in real life before, so yay on two counts!

I think Heather's going to be a stunning bride. I want to start looking at dresses for her... dammit.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Mother's Day

Wanted to buy flowers for the mothers but I have this thing about buying something that WILL die within a week or so. Maybe it's not just that. It's also the part where you spend $40+ on the thing that will die. "Here's some future trash. Happy Mother's Day!!"

Ideas right now are: Build-a-Bear, glass flowers (thanks to Nicole... great idea!), a gift certificate (already had planned to get my mom a year's membership at the Arboretum. No need to buy extra flowers!), or... I forget. I had another idea but I'm not sure what it was now. Anyway. No future-dead flowers.

If you have a dog or cat, go home and put a blanket over him/her while he/she is sleeping. That funny contorting of the blanket as your pet tries to find his/her way out is exactly like watching my stomach these days. Only, Izzy isn't going to finally stand up and shake till the 'blanket' comes off. Hopefully.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

I think I said this once...

A while back, I noticed that Izzy would rest up one day out of the week and not move around much. It was usually Saturday or Sunday and she'd just sleep the entire day away, waiting till bedtime to start with the somersaults.

Today, she's been jabbing and poking around like a crazy thing. Last week, I'd only rarely feel her wedging her head or butt against the outside edge of my tummy. Today, she's been all about making her presence known. Silly little girl.

Her crib is all put together and waiting for her. Bought a pretty pink sheet for it and rearranged the quilt and dolls in there. I can't wait.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Monday, April 9, 2007

Why won't you play nice??

Stupid blogger. I renewed my domain and hosting because of YOU! And now you fail me. Idiot.

I'm tired of going to work every day. More and more, I want to spend my weekends sleeping and my weekdays doing housework.

Yesterday, I watched Friends with Money and ended up cleaning the house. Jennifer Aniston plays a bit of a lost soul who's working as a maid till she figures out what she wants to do with her life. And it made me want to clean my house. Is that sad? I hope that's not sad. My house thinks it's great.

This morning, I figured out why the water pressure in the shower drops every once in a while. The bathroom at the other end of the house has a bad toilet. It was running full force this morning when I got ready to leave for work, I can only imagine how long it spent doing that. Hopefully, it started while I was in the shower and it wasn't just going full-force all night. Either way. Must replace parts. Stupid toilet. I'm guessing the workings are 10 years old and it's probably about the right time for them to wear out. Still sucks.

I need a nap.

Friday, April 6, 2007

I take it back.

It claims to be publishing to and all the messages state that's where it went but when I "view blog", it still points to

Frustrating. :(


Blogger actually posted properly. I don't know if it'll stay working properly but I can hope. There are still broken pipe errors on some old blogs but I don't suppose I really care.

Izzy is getting enormous. I know she's still only a pound and a half or so but she's certainly making her presence known. Yesterday, she seemed to have found a way to punch me in the ribs... I'm not sure I like that part. It's hard to really complain about it, though. I'm just so glad she's here!

Friday, March 23, 2007

Friday! Hooray!

I thought today would never get here. And it's dragging by so very slowly. :(

Yesterday it occurred to me that while I've taken care of plenty of babies, I've never been solely responsible. I use 'solely' very loosely, of course. I have the best partner for this. But I've never felt this kind of pressure to know so much about taking care of a baby. It's one thing to provide supplemental care for a baby that's already being raised by someone else but to have to provide everything? Skeery.

Things we need to do before Izzy is born:

1. Rearrange the bedroom to accommodate a crib. I know we have plenty of space for it, it's just a matter of finding the BEST place. Mustn't be right by the window or by a door or in a draft.

2. Put bookshelves in the bedroom/get books out of the spare room.

3. Childproof cabinets! Can't put that off till she's crawling around or it'll never actually get done.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Blogger is stupid

I don't know why, but I can't publish properly. Which isn't going to stop me from posting. It just won't go anywhere. Apparently.

Week... uh... 23?

I think that's right. Time flies!

Izzy has been moving aLOT lately. There are still days when I don't feel pregnant but as she starts to move more consistantly and with more purpose, it's harder to ignore. :) Bedtime and during tv-watching is teh best. I swear she's doing somersaults in there or playing jump-rope with her umbilical cord.

That reminds me. Have to do the cord-blood thing. Sucks that it's kind of expensive but I really do think it'll be a good idea. I'd rather pay 3600 or so to give her the best possible recourse should something crazy go wrong than not have that lifeline and need it. I'm sure she'll be fine but if we have another baby later on who needs those stem cells, it'd be great to have it all stored away.

A week and a half till my birthday party. :) I'm excited, I think. I like any excuse to be silly and demanding.

Thursday, March 8, 2007

Marching right along...

Peanut is moving right along. About 13 ounces now and probably 10 inches long, head to heel. At the same time as I'm amazed by how much larger I'VE gotten, I can't believe Peanut is that big already. Growing like a weed!

Tomorrow is a second ultrasound to figure out exactly what showed up on one image. Could be nothing, could be something... apparently it takes a Maternal/Fetal Medicine Man to figure it out. Doesn't look like the boy can take time away from work for this appointment but I don't think he really has to. Just more pictures of the cutest little Peanut ever!

Kimberly is having a boy according to her ultrasound today. I know she wanted a girl and I was really hoping we'd both have girls... would have been lots of fun. Oh well. They'll still be ridiculously close.

Joel and Stacey had their little boy on Tuesday. Levi was incredibly talkative about the 'beebee' and announcing everyone's names. He's almost got mine down... if you know what he's saying. heh. He's convinced that everyone has a beebee in their tummy, even him. Ridiculously cute child. He'll be jealous of the attention the babies get but I really do think he's going to be excited about all the new playmates.

Work is becoming quite tiresome. Yesterday I was in a funk all day and couldn't pin it on any one thing. I'm not worried about the dr appointment tomorrow and knowing the gender of our little one is crazy exciting (no more IT!)... just couldn't shake the FUNK. Today is a bit better but I think the lack of truly restful sleep is just getting harder to deal with. Once Justin has a car and can be here every day, I might try working shorter hours and see if taking a nap or just being able to sleep in will help. I don't like feeling run-down for no reason.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Goodbye, February!

I wanted to just write about my pregnancy right now but I can't help hearing the mad ukrainian here yell at someone on speaker-phone. He's not yelling because he's mad, he just likes to yell. Current recipient of the yelling is a guy who JUST told him that he's not working today. Still, the ukrainian yells... "you got a piece of paper? something you can scratch on? you need to write this down 'cause otherwise i know you gonna forget by tomorrow." Irritating to listen to all this.

30 minutes ago, this person was leaning over my shoulder telling me what to copy and paste because he didn't have time. It's done now and I don't think he's done anything in the meantime. Oh well. It was something to do.

Ok. On to the pregnancy stuff.

4.5 months done, same to go. Lots more baby-squirmings lately. People are starting to say 'wow, you really ARE showing!' heh. They all thought I wouldn't because I was so small without a baby in there. Sillies. Baby is making her/his presence known whether I like it or not. Not keeping me up at night, at least. When I do wake up, I don't typically feel anything unless I get up and use the bathroom and then toss and turn for a while. My movement wakes the baby up rather than vice versa. I read somewhere that he/she is already on a 'newborn schedule'... if that's so, then this baby is gonna be up when I am and ready to sleep when I am. That would be amazing.

Ideas for the nursery are slow in coming. I think I want to use Cicely Barker artwork primarily: Something classic and pretty. I don't want to go all out with cutesie stuff and then feel like I need to change it in two or three years. Three framed prints on a wall with gauze or cambric ribbon swooped over them... Something like that. And I wouldn't feel silly doing that in our room while the baby's in there with us. I figure the first 6 months or so he/she will sleep in our room. I might change my mind at some point, of course. But I think it'd make sense to do it that way.
Having a baby is surreal and so natural at the same time. Natural for some pretty obvious reasons, I suppose. It's what the female body is made for. But on a personal level, it just feels like what I am meant for. It's been an enjoyable pregnancy so far. Discomforts are certainly there but the feelings of contentment greatly overwhelm them.
I know the boy has worried in the past that having a baby will mean that he won't get as much attention. I hope that's not something that happens. I don't think it will. Maybe that's why I want a girl so much. I know he'll just fall in love with a daughter and as long as we're both enjoying the baby equally, it shouldn't be hard to make adequate time for each other. A baby, in and of itself, is not my goal. A baby with HIM is.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

18 weeks!

End of this week will be 19 weeks. And then on the 6th, I have an ultrasound which will hopefully tell us if we're having a boy or a girl. Don't be shy, Peanut!

I hope I don't end up with alot of stretch marks. Or if I do, I hope they go away quickly. That's one thing I've never looked forward to. I don't know anyone that really would, though. heh. Maybe Baby will be nice and compact and not make me get all stretched out. So far so good! Some people say they can't tell I'm pregnant. I think that's because they assume I already had this belly. Meanies.

Blah. Nothing going on. I need to plant the canna rhizomes I bought the other day. Pink! They're going in the back corner of teh yard behind the maple tree/swing set. Not sure what I'll put in front just yet. Maybe some sage and then dianthus? So hard to pick between plants.... I just want a yard full of color.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Pregnancy fun...

Things I could do without:

People asking if it's a boy or a girl. If I knew, I would fricking tell you, wouldn't I? Gender is not something that will go away. I don't have to wait for it to 'take' to let you know. Lay off me.

People asking if I've been sick. Are there that few normal questions one can ask a pregnant woman? How about "wanna hang out?" That's a good one.

"Have you gained any weight?" SERIOUSLY. If you know me, you'll see that I've gained weight. If you don't know me, you shouldn't be asking.

Itchy skin. I know it's from the warm baths and the winter and shaving... but it SUCKS. I want to fill a bathtub with shea and cocoa butter and just soak in it for a while. :)

Things I love about pregnancy:

Little squirmies inside. It's only gone on for a week and it's sporadic but it's OHMYGODSOFREAKINGCOOL.

Boobage. And I hear that the best is yet to come. Hooray breast milk!

Not being jealous every time I see a pregnant woman. And I see aLOT of pregnant women these days.

Backrubs and booty rubs and boob rubs... pretty much all the rubbing. My boy is awesome at it. :)


At 124 pounds, I am officially 7 pounds more than I have EVER weighed. And 117 only lasted about a week anyway. I know it's not alot and I have been told that it's closer to what I should weigh all the time than 111 was but still. I suppose I should just enjoy 124 being 'fat' for me. I'm sure I'll put on plenty more and I'll look back with fondness on my 124lb. body. Hopefully, I have a happy baby who loves being outside and I'll walk off all the baby weight quickly.

Thursday, January 11, 2007


I love Thursdays. They're almost Friday but just far enough removed that you can ease into the "last work day of the week" gently.

It's so cloudy and grey outside. I want to go back home and just watch TV all day. Between naps, of course.

Blah. Nothing has happened today. It's not horrible but it means the day might just drag out forever.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Up to date

The first three months are over. Hopefully the next three will be the super-energetic ones because I have alot of unpacking to do still. It's becoming way too easy to just let it sit there. If it were all unnecessary items, I guess I wouldn't care. I might just take the boxes to goodwill or something. But I know some of my clothes are still packed away and there are lots of things I know I want out and around the house that are stashed. Gotta get around to it.

Getting to work is the same pain in the ass it was from Mesquite. I need to find a faster route but I'm not sure one exists. Going home takes less time, though, so at least there's that.

I don't like when people ask if I'm tired because of the baby. Maybe it's the way it's said? I dunno. Someone asks how I am, I say I'm tired or cranky and they say 'oh.. is it because of the baby?' or 'Is the baby keeping you up?' No, shit-eyes. It's not the baby. The baby is 3 inches long. It's my own body that's tired and cranky and I'll thank you to stay out of my personal life.

Alot of things have been on my mind lately.

I can't wait for you to get here and be more tangible. I'm starting to worry a little bit about the normal stuff, I guess. Whether I'll have the energy, whether I'll always know why you cry or what you need, whether everyone will still want to come around and spend time with me or if I'll even want people to come around. I don't know what to teach you when you're old enough to learn ideas or beliefs.

More than ever, I don't understand why anyone would willfully abort their baby. I understand that women often feel they need to make the choice to have a baby or not. To raise or not to raise. I understand that. But I feel more strongly than ever that too many times, the decision is based not in the best interests of those involved but on whether or not it's convenient. Based on whether or not one wants to take on the challenge, not really on if one CAN. I don't think life/fate/the universe asks anything we are unable to give, we simply too often don't find the means to give it. No man is an island. I do think that each person's success depends at least in part on the willingness of those around them to provide support. For those who lose their sanity or lose their physical health, their own strength may not be enough and it falls to family and friends and even strangers to answer the call and step up. One's failure can rarely be pinned on the single person who failed. For those that have had abortions, I really do feel nothing but compassion. I don't want to imagine what they must have felt and thought and been through that would push them to make a decision like this. I hate that this is still a decision so many are faced with. If utopia existed, one would never have to decide whether or not to give birth to a child. One would only be pregnant because they wished it so. Life would be seen as more precious and every moment would be treasured. So many people don't even value their own lives properly.

From the moment I realized I was pregnant, the tiny being inside me was precious. I believe he or she had a destiny the moment conception occured and there's no way anyone should stand in the way of that fate. Each aborted child may be reborn. I don't know. I do believe in reincarnation. But if each child that is conceived is conceived because a soul was ready to be reborn, then how can abortion be part of the path? How can purposefully terminating that life be correct? It may be that the soul's path will continue unimpeded or maybe that is something that simply prepares the soul for the next rebirth. Next time, the path may be destined to be difficult and having been abruptly sent from this world will have prepared that soul to fight a little harder, love a little more, live a little fuller. But aside from that, what does it do to the soul of the woman who discards the child? Maybe one who has committed certain acts in one life is fated to learn from them and choose more wisely in the next one. Why not think about it in this way and skip that lesson? If you COULD push someone off a cliff, knowing that you would feel regret and pain the rest of this life, why not choose NOT to push them, bypassing the pain and regret but still learning to show the necessary compassion?

I don't think every step of life is preordained. Every possible lesson will be taught, but you have to make yourself available to learn. Maybe my lesson right now is to be compassionate even to those I disagree with. It's not necessary for everyone I love to agree with me or even do what may be universally correct. Seeing the heartache people bring on themselves has taught me not to draw the pain to myself and that could be the big lesson. I don't know. It seems pointless right now but I refuse to accept that it is.