Monday, September 7th, 2015

This Friday will mark a month since we moved to a new house. It's been hard getting used to a new area. Nothing is where I expect it to be and nothing is familiar. Yet. Someday it will be. Someday we'll have been here long enough that stores and restaurants will seem like 'home' but right now, I feel like I'm in someone else's house. Someone else's very large, very closet-y house. 

Schooling while unpacking is not for the faint of heart. Between not having a clear schedule made up before starting and finding out that we didn't even have all the right books, it's been a rocky first week. This week will be our 'make up' week... catching up on the studies we couldn't complete last week so that NEXT week can be our for-real second week. 

My best friend had her baby yesterday. I cannot wait to see them. 

I've discovered that I take things to heart that I probably shouldn't and that I find it impossible to work through those things without massive shedding of tears. My husband tells me it's because I don't connect easily with people but that when I do, it's deeper and more intense. I'm sure he's right... he's one of the few. 

Today, I just want to crawl back in bed and watch bad tv until I fall asleep. Tomorrow will be different and better and less stressful. 

March 9, 2015

 Spring Break is here! Yayyyyy... or something. It's raining, which makes it even harder to really get excited about Spring Break.

Yep. "Even harder". I say that because for the last few years, the husband has taken the man-child for road trips during his Spring Break and the girls and I have stayed home. It's not like we CAN'T do anything but we have dogs so that makes a mother/daughters road trip unlikely. So we're here... some more. I have plans for this week but they involve still being close to home and having to wait till the weather is more cooperative. So I REALLY hope it stops raining and brightens up a bit.

I'm fairly accustomed to being the default parent here but I think it's getting harder not to be a liiiiiiiiittle bitter about the extended hours when the husband is out of town. Whether it's for work or fun, it's hard not to feel left-behind. Left-out. I know that's the depression talking, most of the time. I should take some ownership here and find things to occupy my time and thoughts. But the sneaky thing about depression is that it finds a way to cloud your thinking so you forget to make those plans, go places, do things, see people. And you just want to wallow a bit and think about how you don't get weekends off, you don't go anywhere exciting...

I'm going to blame Monday for my mood and mental state. It's Monday and raining and I'm alone with some slightly demanding small people and dogs.

January 2, 2015

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat? How is it 2015 already??? Remember when it was going from 1999 to 2000? That seemed so epic and now we're 15 years later and I'M NOT READY YET! What the heck??

Ok. So now that ONE freak-out is out of the way, here's another one. I will be 36 this year!! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! This is not even funny. Once upon a time, I didn't understand why people had mid-life crises. I thought "come on... you've seen this age coming for a WHILE now. Just get it together and BE that age." Nope. Not even close to possible. I have been 24 for 12 years and I see no reason to stop now. I will be 24 until I'm old and wrinkly and crabby.

Moving on!

The other day, I received a book I have been looking forward to for a WHILE. It's Ruth Soukup's book: Living Well, Spending Less: 12 Secrets of the Good Life. Last year, I participated in her 30 day zero spending challenge. It was HARD, but worth it. It gave me a better idea of what I was spending money on. The rest of the year, I tried to be more mindful of what I spent and WHY. I feel like we did a better job but there's always room for improvement. This is why I'm so eager to read Ruth's book. I've read the first chapter in a pre-release e-book format but there's nothing like holding a REAL book in my hands so I'll be starting all over shortly.

Also last year, I went through the 40-bags clean-out challenge. I got rid of at LEAST 40 bags (of all sizes) but there's still a long way to go. We let ourselves get overwhelmed with stuff these days, don't we? There's always something 'better' or more useful or newer or cuter... and we get sucked into obtaining those things. Yes, I have used the things I've bought. I've gotten rid of clothes that no longer made me feel good about myself and replaced them with better pieces that I still love. But I still have more than I need. More is not always better, sometimes it's just more.

My resolutions for this year are simple. At least, they seem simple because I haven't actually written them out yet. haha! So here goes:

1. Make more time for reading with the girls. I want them to love books as much as I do and they need to immerse themselves in those 'other worlds' to really get why it's so amazing to be able to read.

2. Take risks. I became an independent consultant this year, something I have NEVER attempted. I am fearful of failure, always have been. But this is something fun, something new, something challenging and I need to climb out of my hidey hole and just do it.

3. Stop comparing what I have with what others have. Oh, this applies to so many things. Other people are better at lesson planning, other people have kitchen gadgets that seem so useful, other people find ways to have cleaner homes, other people have prettier yards, other people dress their kids in cooler clothes, other people have clean kitchen counters, etc etc.

4. Make a damn budget already. Seriously.

5. Get rid of the stuuuuuuuff already. We're off to a decent start with this. We've sorted and purged some toys, bagged up clothes to donate, sold games no one plays, burned old papers we didn't need to hold on to. Today the boy child is sorting things in his room. He's got bags and bags of things to give to younger cousins or donate. Woohoo!