The wind has been buffeting the house for the last couple of days and I can say, with reasonable confidence, that I am ready for it to go away. There are some days that I love to watch the wind play with the trees, bending them this way and that, like great leafy dancers. But this wind has brought with it a feeling of unrest and irritation. Probably doesn't help that Mother Nature has come to call in more ways than one.
The wind whipping around the house is an interesting sound but it makes for dusty dogs and bored children. I don't think they would mind trading places but I'm not sure that would actually make life any more pleasant for mommy. Not to mention how very like life the wind is. Lately, I feel like I am tugged one way and another and I just go... And then it blows on by me and I'm here, disheveled and unfocused.
This could all just be a mood. I often have days when I wonder what I'm doing with my time and how I could better utilize it. What could I teach the girls that I'm not? What could I be doing, creatively, that I'm not? What goals could I have that I simply... don't?
I feel small. There are mothers who are out there making a discernible difference in their world AND raising children. There are mothers with careers that make an impact on lives or provide a valuable service AND they raise their children. I feel less-than. I'm raising wonderful children and I think maybe I'm the unnoticeable cog that is vital to the machine's movement but all in all, still just a little dusty cog. I don't stand out. I don't have a cause or a goal or a bright and shiny talent.
I hate the wind.