The steady drizzle is outside but sometimes I feel like it's in my head. Just thought after thought, dripping down and splashing around. I don't believe I've ever been unfairly criticized or belittled by friends or family but I've managed to do a lot of that to myself over the last few years. I detest that I feel guilty constantly. I don't put enough effort into lesson planning, I don't focus my energies properly on housework, I don't discipline consistently enough, I don't involve myself in enough; the list goes on and on.
I want to be happy with less but do more.
Sweet friend, I think the key word here is UNFAIRLY. It sounds like you have done a lot UNFAIR criticizing of yourself. You don't put enough effort into lesson planning? Unfair. You lesson plan. You genuinely care about the girls' educations. You care about exploring the best way they learn, responding to Izzy about schoolwork in a way that feels unthreatening, not pushing her too hard. That's more important than the lesson plan. That's why you're home-schooling - for the things that are more important than the curriculum or the lesson plan. You don't focus your energies properly on housework? Unfair. You focus your energies properly on your kids. You don't discipline consistently enough? Unfair. Your girls have kind hearts and have never been disrespectful in my house. Of course, you see the "acting out" more than anyone else because they test you more than anyone else. You should be proud of the job you are doing as a homemaker, educator, mother and friend. I'm proud to call you friend!
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