October 7, 2018

Life has a way of moving too quickly to register, sometimes.

In August of 2015, we moved into a beautiful house with a canal view. I love the trees, the feel of our peaceful neighborhood, and the house itself. It's been a good house to experience life in these last 3 years.

Some of what we've experienced has been beyond difficult. Loss is a beast that keeps gnawing at you, even when you beat it back with all that you are.

Recently, we spent nearly 3 months on the road, living in an RV that has the square footage of a galley kitchen and a small bathroom. It wasn't easy and it wasn't always pleasant but it was invigorating in many ways and it taught us a lot about who we can be as a family.

So here we are, considering emptying our house and filling up our lives with new experiences and views of parts of the country we haven't seen yet.

Monday, September 7th, 2015

This Friday will mark a month since we moved to a new house. It's been hard getting used to a new area. Nothing is where I expect it to be and nothing is familiar. Yet. Someday it will be. Someday we'll have been here long enough that stores and restaurants will seem like 'home' but right now, I feel like I'm in someone else's house. Someone else's very large, very closet-y house. 

Schooling while unpacking is not for the faint of heart. Between not having a clear schedule made up before starting and finding out that we didn't even have all the right books, it's been a rocky first week. This week will be our 'make up' week... catching up on the studies we couldn't complete last week so that NEXT week can be our for-real second week. 

My best friend had her baby yesterday. I cannot wait to see them. 

I've discovered that I take things to heart that I probably shouldn't and that I find it impossible to work through those things without massive shedding of tears. My husband tells me it's because I don't connect easily with people but that when I do, it's deeper and more intense. I'm sure he's right... he's one of the few. 

Today, I just want to crawl back in bed and watch bad tv until I fall asleep. Tomorrow will be different and better and less stressful. 

March 9, 2015

 Spring Break is here! Yayyyyy... or something. It's raining, which makes it even harder to really get excited about Spring Break.

Yep. "Even harder". I say that because for the last few years, the husband has taken the man-child for road trips during his Spring Break and the girls and I have stayed home. It's not like we CAN'T do anything but we have dogs so that makes a mother/daughters road trip unlikely. So we're here... some more. I have plans for this week but they involve still being close to home and having to wait till the weather is more cooperative. So I REALLY hope it stops raining and brightens up a bit.

I'm fairly accustomed to being the default parent here but I think it's getting harder not to be a liiiiiiiiittle bitter about the extended hours when the husband is out of town. Whether it's for work or fun, it's hard not to feel left-behind. Left-out. I know that's the depression talking, most of the time. I should take some ownership here and find things to occupy my time and thoughts. But the sneaky thing about depression is that it finds a way to cloud your thinking so you forget to make those plans, go places, do things, see people. And you just want to wallow a bit and think about how you don't get weekends off, you don't go anywhere exciting...

I'm going to blame Monday for my mood and mental state. It's Monday and raining and I'm alone with some slightly demanding small people and dogs.

January 2, 2015

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat? How is it 2015 already??? Remember when it was going from 1999 to 2000? That seemed so epic and now we're 15 years later and I'M NOT READY YET! What the heck??

Ok. So now that ONE freak-out is out of the way, here's another one. I will be 36 this year!! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! This is not even funny. Once upon a time, I didn't understand why people had mid-life crises. I thought "come on... you've seen this age coming for a WHILE now. Just get it together and BE that age." Nope. Not even close to possible. I have been 24 for 12 years and I see no reason to stop now. I will be 24 until I'm old and wrinkly and crabby.

Moving on!

The other day, I received a book I have been looking forward to for a WHILE. It's Ruth Soukup's book: Living Well, Spending Less: 12 Secrets of the Good Life. Last year, I participated in her 30 day zero spending challenge. It was HARD, but worth it. It gave me a better idea of what I was spending money on. The rest of the year, I tried to be more mindful of what I spent and WHY. I feel like we did a better job but there's always room for improvement. This is why I'm so eager to read Ruth's book. I've read the first chapter in a pre-release e-book format but there's nothing like holding a REAL book in my hands so I'll be starting all over shortly.

Also last year, I went through the 40-bags clean-out challenge. I got rid of at LEAST 40 bags (of all sizes) but there's still a long way to go. We let ourselves get overwhelmed with stuff these days, don't we? There's always something 'better' or more useful or newer or cuter... and we get sucked into obtaining those things. Yes, I have used the things I've bought. I've gotten rid of clothes that no longer made me feel good about myself and replaced them with better pieces that I still love. But I still have more than I need. More is not always better, sometimes it's just more.

My resolutions for this year are simple. At least, they seem simple because I haven't actually written them out yet. haha! So here goes:

1. Make more time for reading with the girls. I want them to love books as much as I do and they need to immerse themselves in those 'other worlds' to really get why it's so amazing to be able to read.

2. Take risks. I became an independent consultant this year, something I have NEVER attempted. I am fearful of failure, always have been. But this is something fun, something new, something challenging and I need to climb out of my hidey hole and just do it.

3. Stop comparing what I have with what others have. Oh, this applies to so many things. Other people are better at lesson planning, other people have kitchen gadgets that seem so useful, other people find ways to have cleaner homes, other people have prettier yards, other people dress their kids in cooler clothes, other people have clean kitchen counters, etc etc.

4. Make a damn budget already. Seriously.

5. Get rid of the stuuuuuuuff already. We're off to a decent start with this. We've sorted and purged some toys, bagged up clothes to donate, sold games no one plays, burned old papers we didn't need to hold on to. Today the boy child is sorting things in his room. He's got bags and bags of things to give to younger cousins or donate. Woohoo!

September 12, 2014

Fall is around the corner! Today has been cool and drizzly, and I'm half-way pretending that we're in the Pacific NorthWest, instead of Texas. Texas, the state of half-way seasons and constant teasing. 

We're three weeks into the school year and Lily seems to have really embraced this whole 'learning' experience. She's sounding out words, insisting on doing math, loves to have me spell words for her to try out... much easier than I thought it would be! She's still very resistant and stubborn in other areas but it's quite a relief not to be fighting her every moment of our (short) school day. 

The history curriculum we went with this year is taking a bit of getting used to. It's so involved! So many different resources to use and I'm never quite prepared. I guess it would help if I looked at the lessons the weekend before... haha. I can only blame myself. Maybe I should have a parent-teacher meeting and voice my concerns. 

The girls are looking forward to cooler weather. They're convinced that it means playing outside, right up until Izzy (my little memory bank) recalls every time they've ever played outside in the cold. "Oh, I don't think it'll be so much fun after all. Remember last winter? We went outside for like 5 minutes and our hands started to hurt and we came in. I don't think it'll be fun this time either." So I guess we're really looking forward to the same things: NOT going outside too much, sitting inside in front of the fireplace. :) 

Here's something else from last year: rats. Yep. Our neighbor likes to over-feed the birds and squirrels, so since last winter we have been inundated with... wildlife. Rodent wildlife. The dogs took care of several but since they dislike being out in the yard during summer, the vermin have managed to make themselves at home under our shed and *ugh* in our garage. The garage thing is a recent occurrence and the final straw. I called a pest control company, they came, set out bait stations. and told us to expect rodent corpses. Unfortunately, these #)$)* do not believe in dying conveniently located. One has lodged itself in the wall by our fireplace and is currently off-gassing. Blech. 

February 13, 2014

Last year and the year before that, I thought, "This is the year we'll get a real budget figured out. This is the year we'll really SAVE money again." I THINK I tried to be more mindful of my spending. I THINK I tried to donate things we didn't use, rather than hold on to them for possible future purposes.

But this year, I found the Living Well, Spending Less site. More specifically, I found the 31 day challenge. Guys, this really shook things up for me. I actually printed out and signed the 'commitment' page, I cleaned out my pantry and inventoried the contents. I made the freezer list, the meal idea list, and wrote down what I would NOT be spending money on.

Comparing this January to January of 2013, I spent about $1,000 less. I cleaned out my closet, I donated a pretty sizable pile of clothes, books, kitchen items, toys, and unused decor. We still have more than we need but it's getting better.

As a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom, it's FAR too easy to use the "we need to get out of the house" excuse. Yes, we sometimes need to just be away from these walls but we can just walk outside when the weather is decent. We can get out of the house and go drop off donation items. We can get out of the house and go see a friend or cousin.

Lists are important these days. A list of tasks makes it easier to feel like I'm accomplishing something, even if the list just breaks an assignment down into its most basic components. A list of what we need at the store is essential, if we're going to stop impulse buys. It's hard. There's always something that I think "Oh, I'm sure I can work that into this week's menu" or "I don't have that yet..." about. But those things cost money and if I REALLY need them, they'll be available next week or next month or whenever.

What I discovered last month is that the things I talked myself out of by saying I'd fit it into THIS month's budget, I didn't remember to fit into this budget. I don't even remember what those needs or wants were, honestly. It's humbling to realize that I think of things as needs that aren't and even the "wants" disappear if I just walk away from them for long enough.

February is nearly 2 weeks in and so far, we're on track to spend half the amount we spent in February of last year. We might manage to actually set money aside this year to pay off the smaller house mortgage.

December 5th, 2013

Yesterday it was 80 degrees and we went to the park. Today, it's 34 degrees and looks absolutely miserable outside. No rain yet but I hear it's coming. Texas weather is so bizarre! While we were getting back in the car after playing in the park, Lily was telling me how sweaty and hot she was. I told her that it would be cold today and that if we ended up having to go anywhere, she'd probably get to go in her warm pajamas. I love her sweet response "Really, Mommy? In my pajamas?? Well, you're very nice. And you're very sweet." That sort of reaction more than makes up for all the times she says "You're not fair. That's very rude of you."

I thought Izzy would find it interesting to know we can make our own vanilla extract by putting vanilla beans in vodka. Apparently, tho, vanilla smells weird and it looks gross once it's in vodka. Who knew? I'm almost tempted to take a sip of the concoction to see if the vanilla makes vodka more palatable but... no. I'm not that brave. I'll just wait for it to turn a deep shade of brown and then I'll put it in everything I bake. :)

December 3, 2013

I used to think that I was fairly adept at multi-tasking. After all, how can a mother NOT end up with more than one project requiring attention at any given time? Lately, tho, it seems that I cannot get anything done. I start clearing a counter and before I'm done, my attention has been redirected to making a meal, starting someone on their school work, switching out a load of laundry, or fending off a dog's attentions. Briefly, I considered getting up at 6 every morning just to have time to start a project and get it well under-way before having to make breakfast/beds/school-plans/everything else. Pretty sure I abandoned that thought somewhere between "I could get up at 6" and "that would mean I should get to bed by 10pm." Neither one is going to happen. 

There's no way I'm going back to look but I'm fairly confident that I start every blog-year with lofty goals of decluttering, organizing, and becoming more thrifty. And I end each year with "well, that didn't work". This year will be no different. hahah! Oy...

School is going well. I'm not sure how many days into the year we are but it feels like FOREVER. haha! Reading is still slow-going but I feel like there's steady progress so I'm not discouraged. Lily still has her days when she doesn't want to co-operate at ALL but for the most part, she's learning something every day. She's just about abandoned her monster drawings for spelling words on every surface to which she has access. Today, she was far too quiet while I was reading aloud and I discovered her writing her name and ABCs on the leg of my antique table. Ugh. Thank goodness for magic erasers, right?

Adolescence: A modern plague, but there is a cure | The Matt Walsh Blog

Adolescence: A modern plague, but there is a cure | The Matt Walsh Blog

I've come across this topic a few times lately. I'm sure it's just coincidence but it hasn't escaped me that, 2-3 times a month, we have an opportunity to help one of these 'teenagers' grow into the adult he's meant to be. It's quite the challenge...

September 17, 2013

We're in our second week of school and, taxing as it is, I feel so lucky to be able to home educate. I don't have a rigorous schedule of tests, reports, standards, or levels to administer/file/adhere to or otherwise get bogged down by. I know some 1st graders are already doing things we're not and some are still reviewing things we covered in pre-k "classes". There's such a range, depending on region, district, teacher preference that it amazes me. I'm so glad I can skip things that are too repetitive, introduce new things when the opportunity arises, and move at a pace that suits us. Lily can join Izzy for nature study, spelling, science, and reading time, moving along to other things when necessary.

Here's where we stand on subjects: (So I can look back at the end of the year and see if anything has changed)

Math - Izzy still doesn't care much for the repetitive nature of it, Lily has a pretty firm grasp of numerical value
Science - I think this is Izzy's favorite. She loves drawing pictures representing whatever we've just read about. Lily listens pretty closely.
Spelling - Izzy still hesitates to READ words but seems to like all the word/letter games. Lily likes to yell out the letter sounds.
Literature - We're reading "All of a kind family" right now. I think the chapters are a bit long for the girls but we'll move on to something else when it's done. Izzy has already requested more "Mrs. Piggle Wiggle". I think she likes to hear about kids getting outsmarted.
Nature Study - We're coloring pictures of birds, reading about what they eat and where they live. Lily likes to color all her birds jet black.
History - We're moving right along with "A Child's History of the World". I really like the way it's written and it sparks some great conversations and artwork. Lily just thinks it's about The Croods so far. haha. We're not doing an official geography class but we look at the globe/maps when we read our history chapter and try to make note of what part of the world is being discussed and how it differs from other regions.
Bible - We started our kid Torah over again and we're trying to memorize verses each week. Might have to change that to a verse every 2 weeks.
Handwriting - I think Izzy prefers HWOT to the SCM copybook but that's probably because the script is different. My bad. Lily is working really hard at her letter/number writing and is becoming more strongly left-handed every day. :)
French - We're watching the Little Pim dvds. I think I like them more than the kids do but we'll just keep using them and see how it goes. I kind of wish I had saved the money I've spent on little things like picture dictionaries, music cds, etc. and just put it into Rosetta Stone. Then the girls would have been able to use the computer and would have thought they'd hit the jackpot. haha

Here's something that is perpetually frustrating to me: we have no designated class/work area. I hesitate to take over the playroom bc it would mean getting rid of a lot of toys or having to brainstorm a new storage system. I am always considering both of those things but I just don't feel up to the challenge right now.

A Google search just makes me feel worse. I mean, really...

From Confessions of a Homeschooler

From Christian Homeschool Moms

From Those Crazy Homeschoolers

August 22nd, 2013

In 2 weeks, we start school again. I don't remember now exactly why I picked the 9th as a good starting point. I think some of it was just waiting till after Daddy's birthday/Rosh Hashanah but now I feel like we should have started this week. I've got 3 weeks of lesson plans done and I just want to START ALREADY. It occurred to me today that I could at least start with Torah reading, hand writing, and craft work. Ease into it a bit, I suppose. Maybe they won't rebel this way... haha

My brain is tired. I am tired. I am ready for summer to be over so we can start school and get back into a routine but I'm still a little resentful that we had no time off as a family this summer. At least with home schooling, we might be able to take a long weekend at some point and road trip somewhere.

April 22, 2013

Oy.

This month started off really well. A new, adorable nephew was born on the 4th. School has gone well - Izzy is getting more confident in her reading capabilities, Noah is following directions better, Lily is... Lily. 

Oh wait. My cough got crazy again at the end of last month so I spent a couple hours on April 1st getting that checked out and picking up meds. Ok, so maybe not 'really well' PERSONALLY but in other, more extended ways, this month started off nicely. 

And then craziness. The bombing in Boston that struck a whole new fear into people's hearts. The explosion in West that damaged so much of a small town. The man-hunt for the bombers that locked a city inside their own homes for hours. An earthquake in China that, last I saw, had claimed more than 160 lives. 

On a more personal level, this cough is still not going away, I'm always short of breath, and someone rear-ended me yesterday morning. I already dislike getting up and leaving the house by 7:30 in the morning. Hitting me at a stop light, while running a last minute errand before class-time was just MEAN.

I think I'm ready for April to be over already. 

March 25, 2013

With Passover starting tonight, this coming week presents interesting challenges. What to make for meals? What should our educational focus be? Will this be the year that kitniyot is also avoided?

 I can pretty much answer that last one: no. While I gravitate towards the Ashkenazi practices in most ways, avoiding legumes, corn, rice, peas, and the like during the week of Passover is just more than I can really see us accomplishing. We're already a mildly picky bunch... don't take away our corn and peas!

 I figure this is a pretty good week to start the 100 Days of Mini-Pledges from 100 Days of Real Food, though. After all, if we can't have noodles, bread, crackers, biscuits, bagels, tortillas, or cereal, what else can we do but eat more fruits and veggies? Right? We will never be this regular again. Roughage, ho!

 Honestly, I'm looking forward to the Week 2 challenge - real drinks. Coffee, tea, water, and milk. Juice once a week, wine once a day. (yes!) I HAVE to have this glass of Moscato, kid. It's like you taking your gummy vitamins. I don't make these rules, I just abide by 'em. Ok, I know she actually advises red wine but... you know. Sometimes it just doesn't go with the meal.

 I'm not sure I can cut out sugar as a sweetener but I do miss making my own creamer with maple syrup so I'll just suck it up and follow the rules. Hot tea with honey sounds fantastic right now. I can see where this is going. I will do like I did with the de-cluttering project (which is still ongoing. I'm just not good at updating!) and end up mashing all kinds of week-specific challenges together into one week and then I'll get confused and stop.

March 6, 2013

More often than I would really care to admit, I feel an overwhelming sense of falling behind. This year, I've been attempting to take better control of finances (um. Yikes.), cleaning (ack!), and just over-all time management (ha!). And just for emphasis: HA!

What do you do when you're trying to follow the 'never leave a room empty handed' guideline and your children seem to be following the same rule,  but in a bit of a reverse mode? Look, I've just got these two hands! And between my 2 kids, they've got what seem to be 8. You can imagine the effect that has on one's morale. 

I currently have 2-3 trash bags full of items to either take to Goodwill or put in a yard sale. I'm leaning toward a one-day yard sale and then whatever doesn't go, Goodwill can have. I just need it gone. There's this habit of hanging on to a thing in case it becomes useful again - dumb. Or hanging on to items in case someone else needs them - uh, what? If someone needs them, they will find it AT GOODWILL. Right? Yeesh, self. 

I'm trying to build a little garden area in the back yard but I'm just not sure how well it will go. About 60% of my seedlings that I repotted once they were 2-3 inches tall have been decimated by... something. I'm guessing birds or rabbits. Either way, I am not pleased. I understand that the lettuce had little to know chance out there but my zinnias and marigolds? Really guys??

One of my nephews has started coming over a couple of times a week for school/play time. He's somewhere between Lily and Izzy in familiarity with letters/numbers, which I think is actually kinda good. I'm hoping that working with him on being more confident in recognizing letters/numbers will help Lily be more interested in actively learning. As it is, all of her education has been passive so far. Not that I expect any different with a 3 year old, I'm just excited to get her on the path to active learning. Izzy loves this new arrangement... I think it thrills her to have a classmate to share in the fun.

January 3, 2013

The year is 3 days old and I'm just now gonna try to put together a goal list. Last year's list went pretty well, I think. 7 Serious Things and 6 Fun Things and I think I really only failed one of the 'fun' things: watching Gilmore Girls again. Well, maybe I failed at my spending diet a bit but since we only attempt to cut back and don't set specific limits (this frustrates me), it's hard to tell. 

This year, I think I'll go for 7 and 7. 

7 Are the Days of Creation

1. Organize the office

2. Clean the garage. 

3. Paint the play room. 

4. Spend less!

5. Start First Grade with a SMILE. 

6. Paint the shed. 

7. Declutter 2013!

7 Like the Wonders of the World

1. More date nights. 

2. Open a booth at an antique mall.

3. Create real flower beds in front and back.

4. Play outside more!

5. Replace the play house.

6. Take more walks. 

7. Walk the dogs... more? at all. haha

I'm pretty confident that this will be a productive year, at least with one of those lists. haha. I've started the de-cluttering and organizing process and while it sometimes seems like surely we could knock it out in a few weeks, I'm attempting to be more realistic and keep in mind that it will absolutely take all year. And then I can start the process over again next year, right? It's the list that keeps on... listing... 

December 23rd, 2012

The other day, Izzy had a near melt-down while we talked about having Christmas at Uncle Joel's house. I think she was just overly tired because every obstacle I removed (yes, Nana will be there... Santa doesn't forget presents... you'll get to see everyone...) was met with a 'what if?' and sniffles. She even asked "What if Santa is dead?" Now that's a child determined to have a reason to be upset! 

If you're wondering what I told her about Santa, especially when she asked if he could be dead... well, I'll tell you. I told her that part of Santa's magic is that he'll be around as long as he needs to be and that he's been doing this job for so long, there's no way he'd forget to do his best to give every kid at least something. She said "Well, I know that there are a lot of countries so there must be a lot of Santas." I think it's great that even when she's seeing the 'flaws' in the Santa story, she finds a way to compensate and hold on to it just a little longer. We went to our local mall and saw Santa there (thank goodness the same one has been there since she can remember) and afterwards, she said "Well, I know he's the real Santa. But how does he get here?" She's pretty sure his reindeer aren't allowed in the mall so he must get a ride from someone else. hehe. 

Childhood is a wonderful thing... for the kids it's a time of constant exploration and wonder and for the adults? I think it's a time to reconnect with what's innocent and beautiful in the world. A time to declutter your mind and heart and enjoy life for what it is. 

December 14, 2012

What can you say when the unthinkable happens? When something horrific and violent, like a shooting at a theater or a mall or a school, shocks you out of your daily routine and makes it impossible to just be... happy.

I cannot grasp how these things happen and I'm just so terribly sad for the families involved. Those that are innocent victims and those that cannot understand why their children would do something so awful. What was so terribly broken in these minds and hearts that they thought this was a viable response to the world around them?

Tonight, our synagogue had our annual menorathon: we bring our family menorah and candles and light them together. It's a beautiful sight to see so many lights burning brightly... reminding us to be a light to the world, to continue the chain of tradition, to reflect on years past, to burn with hope for the future. Tonight it felt like a reminder that there is light in the world and that we need to fan those flames when we have dark days like today.

Praying for peace and healing.

December 13, 2012

The school year isn't even close to being over but I'm already starting to get the new-curriculum anxiety. Izzy's just about done with the Math U See Primer (as in: we have 4 pages left!) and other workbooks that we like to use are nearly done as well.

What REALLY gets me anxious is knowing that Lily will be 4 in 6 months (as of yesterday!) and I really want to get her started with some sort of formal learning. I know a lot of the learning that Izzy did at 4 was just happy accident but it feels like I need to actually plan things out a bit better for Lily. She knows a lot of her colors and shapes and she can count quite well but she's not familiar with letters or numbers yet and it seems like she could be, if I took the time to teach them 'officially'.

So here's where I went wrong today: I started looking for new activities for Lily and overwhelmed myself by looking at what other moms are doing/providing for homeschooling kids at this age. There are so many 'packs' and 'kits' and whatnot that it's mind-boggling. I keep telling myself that these things are coming from moms that have 4-5 kids and/or used to be teachers in public/private schools so of COURSE they come up with all kinds of activities. So many of them look cute or fun but then when I think about printing them out and using them, it hits me how redundant it is. I know kids love to repeat themselves but a color of the day? animal of the day? I think we'd be burnt out within the first week and not find enough new ways to explore those things to make it worth my time printing/cutting/laminating.

I dunno. Maybe I'm just talking myself out of these things because it seems so time consuming. I mean, how am I supposed to enjoy teaching if I'm either planning a lesson, setting things up for it, or teaching it? It's like the coupon ladies... how can you enjoy yourself if your time is used up with all of this busy-work and nothing of substance? I love my kids but I can't get anything done or enjoy any free time if every waking minute is devoted to school. Surely there's a middle ground somewhere.

December 13, 2012

It's the 5th night of Chanukah. So funny how we were anxious for it to start and suddenly it's nearly over! Izzy lit the candles with me the first night but I guess I said something about wax dripping on my finger and now she doesn't want to try it anymore. Lily has no such worry and has been lighting the candles for me each night. She's just not afraid to try things, even if something goes wrong, she'll keep going. I hope she doesn't lose that attitude ever.

Lily was battling a stomach virus two weeks ago (started the 30th and ran through the 4th) and seems to still be bouncing back. She ate next to nothing for those 5 days and now she's asking for 2nd and 3rd helpings on a lot of foods. I guess it's a combination of regaining what she lost and a growth spurt? Either way. It's much better to hear 'can I have some more?' than 'I think I'm gonna throw up' every couple of hours. :)

School is going well for Izzy. I'm hoping we're making some breakthroughs on reading but she's still so hesitant to even sound things out. I think I was the same way  because I know I was still shy about even trying to read when I was 7 or so. I need to read more to the girls so that they really grasp how important and exciting it is to read for themselves. I don't think Lily will be an early reader but it wouldn't surprise me.

It seems like there's always a phase being gone through these days. Fighting about everything, whining to get their way, making noises when someone is talking to them, arguing incessantly... I guess it's not so much a series of phases as it is one loooooooong phase of contrariness. haha. This too shall pass? Sometimes it seems like structure is the answer but the whole point of homeschooling with this method was to avoid rigid structure to our days/life. Consistency is difficult for me.. how do you drop everything to enforce each instruction you give without setting the expectation that mommy has to come help/push/guide every time she gives an instruction? Consequences for disobedience are consistent but I find myself so exasperated at having to leave so many of MY activities/chores half finished to impose those consequences or redirect little hands towards better activities.

Ok, re-reading that last paragraph's beginning has me thinking that the phase that's being gone thru right now is a verbal defiance phase. Expressing displeasure or annoyance without any filter or control. So... what's the key to resolving that? It seems like when I was a kid, we still got flicked for talking out of turn or had to put scotch tape on our mouths to help us be more mindful. Lily tends to react in the oddest ways to discipline. Either she gets sullen and then goes back to her bad behavior when the punishment is over (and so it starts again) or she laughs it off. I think there needs to be some sort of 'come to Moses' parental meeting to figure out a plan here... haha.

November 26, 2012

When a year starts to draw to a close, I look back and wonder what I could have done differently. As a parent, it's probably impossible to avoid this. It's difficult not to second-guess yourself, once a little distance comes into play.

Most projects that we undertake can be learning experiences. You might not repeat the exact same project but when you do similar ones, you can apply the things you've learned and hope for a different outcome. You might be more patient, more attentive to detail, less forceful. Rearing children does NOT work that way. If you do something wrong when they're three, you can't do it better later. You can't un-yell or re-discipline. What's done is done. But you can be better when they're four and hope to rework habits you've ingrained in yourself and them.

In a few (too short) months, I will be 34, Ben will be 12, Lily will be 4, and Izzy will be 6. I'm halfway resigned to being done with baby-ish years but these numbers are a little scary. I can't go back and redo the 2's and 3's. I wish I could, for many reasons.

Next fall, Lily will officially be starting Pre-K. Which seems silly to say... Pre-K with Izzy was learning the alphabet, coloring, and trying to learn to use scissors. Lily has already begun this process because she cannot  seem to leave anything or anyone alone during school hours.

A couple of months ago, Chad was out of town for a week so I painted the living room. I really wanted to paint the girls' room but I couldn't figure out how to do that with them up. So the living room is a beautifully soft grey and the girls' room is still a tacky off white. Chad's out of town again for a few days this week so maybe I'll set the girls up in my room for a couple of hours and get started on their walls. I should be able to knock it out in a day, if I don't lose my mind trying to keep them in check. haha