Ugh

I hate being alone.

I hate being alone and pregnant.

I hate feeling like you aren't listening.

Almost there!

Today, Peanut is just a month from being DUE. Not just "ready" to come out... DUE. I hope she comes a little bit early, though. Her daddy and I are anxious to see her and hold her.

For a long time now, I've put off really considering how much of my time will be taken up by taking care of a baby. It's obvious that she'll take up most of my time and that will mean most of OUR time... but I've always thought that somehow, we'll be able to balance it and not feel crazed.

The whatifs are setting in, though. What if she has colic? What if she doesn't like to sleep at night? What if she gets a rash that doesn't want to go away and it keeps her up ALL the time? What if I get PPD? What if family members are so busy that they aren't able to come over and give us much of a break? What if she's too heat sensitive to take her outside much? What if I don't get the hang of cloth diapering?

Ya know. That sort of thing.

That's all in one corner of my brain. In the other corner, the one that I listen to MOST, there's a voice that says this is all going to be fine and we're going to find things to be so much easier than we think. Thank the gods for THAT voice. That voice tells me that I'll have time for the boy because I will. It says we'll figure out a balance because we're so close that it's inevitable. It says Izzy will fit in with us because she's a part of us.

I'm sleepy. I have 12 more days of work and then I'm taking off to rest up before Izzy makes her appearance. Hopefully, I actually find time to really REST. I have such problems there. I can't handle sitting around when there are things that I could be doing. The house will end up being ridiculously clean, I think. We're talking window washing, ceiling dusting and baseboard scrubbing.

Elbow or knee?

I have a hard time figuring out if I'm getting jabbed by elbows or knees lately. I THINK the jabs in the upper right quadrant are knees and feet. They're crazy strong. And at the same time, I'll get little jabs in the lower left quadrant and I can feel something wedged against my hip bone. I'm thinking that's Izzy's head. She does turn from time to time and actually stretch out crosswise, making me look like I have a large football in my stomach. That's always fun/cute.

Tomorrow is 31 weeks. Only 9 to go!! I think I'll be taking off in 7, to have time to relax and really get the house ready for baby. Seems like it wouldn't take a full two weeks to do so but I don't want to feel pressured.

Heather and Shane are all engaged and whatnot. We went to Ben Wheeler to spend Mother's Day with G-ma at her church. After services, we set up for a taco lunch in the fellowship hall. Tacos are always a good way to recover from sermons... Anyway. I digress. Once everyone was ready to go, we all stopped in the foyer so Joel could say a quick prayer and he caught everyone a bit off guard when he ended with a special request for strength and courage for Shane, "to do what he needs to do and ask Heather what he needs to ask her..." I've never seen anyone propose in real life before, so yay on two counts!

I think Heather's going to be a stunning bride. I want to start looking at dresses for her... dammit.

Mother's Day

Wanted to buy flowers for the mothers but I have this thing about buying something that WILL die within a week or so. Maybe it's not just that. It's also the part where you spend $40+ on the thing that will die. "Here's some future trash. Happy Mother's Day!!"

Ideas right now are: Build-a-Bear, glass flowers (thanks to Nicole... great idea!), a gift certificate (already had planned to get my mom a year's membership at the Arboretum. No need to buy extra flowers!), or... I forget. I had another idea but I'm not sure what it was now. Anyway. No future-dead flowers.

If you have a dog or cat, go home and put a blanket over him/her while he/she is sleeping. That funny contorting of the blanket as your pet tries to find his/her way out is exactly like watching my stomach these days. Only, Izzy isn't going to finally stand up and shake till the 'blanket' comes off. Hopefully.

I think I said this once...

A while back, I noticed that Izzy would rest up one day out of the week and not move around much. It was usually Saturday or Sunday and she'd just sleep the entire day away, waiting till bedtime to start with the somersaults.

Today, she's been jabbing and poking around like a crazy thing. Last week, I'd only rarely feel her wedging her head or butt against the outside edge of my tummy. Today, she's been all about making her presence known. Silly little girl.

Her crib is all put together and waiting for her. Bought a pretty pink sheet for it and rearranged the quilt and dolls in there. I can't wait.

Hooray!

I fixed it! :)

I am teh smart.

Why won't you play nice??

Stupid blogger. I renewed my domain and hosting because of YOU! And now you fail me. Idiot.

I'm tired of going to work every day. More and more, I want to spend my weekends sleeping and my weekdays doing housework.

Yesterday, I watched Friends with Money and ended up cleaning the house. Jennifer Aniston plays a bit of a lost soul who's working as a maid till she figures out what she wants to do with her life. And it made me want to clean my house. Is that sad? I hope that's not sad. My house thinks it's great.

This morning, I figured out why the water pressure in the shower drops every once in a while. The bathroom at the other end of the house has a bad toilet. It was running full force this morning when I got ready to leave for work, I can only imagine how long it spent doing that. Hopefully, it started while I was in the shower and it wasn't just going full-force all night. Either way. Must replace parts. Stupid toilet. I'm guessing the workings are 10 years old and it's probably about the right time for them to wear out. Still sucks.

I need a nap.