February 28, 2012

How is it almost March already? This is craziness.

I think my last entry must have been the one about not spanking the girls anymore. Which would mean it's been nearly 3 weeks since they've been spanked for 'realsies.' I think I've swatted a couple of  bottoms to hurry them up the stairs but nothing major. It's likely too soon to say whether the shift has been successful or not, since every week/day/hour brings about changes in their temperaments, attitudes, and reactions.

Looking at some old pictures of Lily made me tear up a little. She was such an easy-going, HAPPY baby. Now she's a bit mercurial and stubborn. Ok. Not just 'a bit'... she's a LOT mercurial and stubborn. She's still pretty low-maintenance but when she wants her way, she makes it known to the entire area code.

We're working with Izzy to cut down on the water-works. Any deviation from routine or expectation can send her into a near panic mode. This could just be normal nearly-5 behavior for a girl, tho. I don't know. Ben was relatively easy to manage at this age... he wanted his way, of course, but I don't recall him bursting into tears over every little thing like Izzy sometimes does.  Anyway... trying the divert/distract tactic with her seems to help but it's not always easy to break through the emotions and get her attention.

Parenting is hard and every day I'm reminded of just how much work and affection my parents put into us on a daily basis.

February 10, 2012

I recently read this article, reposted by Mayim Bialik  and found it very intriguing. I'm not sure I completely buy into the idea that spanking makes a child more aggressive, as they suggest, but I'm definitely open to the possibility that spanking doesn't produce the desired effect in many cases. Spank too much and, depending on the child's temperament, they cease to see it as a major consequence and learn to almost ignore it as it becomes part of the routine. Or they begin to expect it for everything and are easily scared which is definitely not cool.

Based on that, I've decided to challenge myself not to spank the girls. I don't feel like I do a LOT of spanking and most of what I call spanking is a swat on the behind to curb behavior that they've been warned about but aren't controlling on their own. Things like climbing on furniture, reaching for things that are on the counter, taking toys from each other, getting out of bed and running around screaming instead of sleeping, etc. I try to first tell them what they're doing isn't ok and if they persist, they'll get a swat. Lily is our 'persister' around here. Nothing stops her, not physical obstacles, not stern looks, not anything.

We've had two full days of non-spanking and I would say I definitely see an improvement: mostly in my own attitude. Who knew that once you cross the line from mildly irritated to spank-mode, it becomes easier and easier to reach the "totally frustrated" point? It IS hard to refrain from the 'surprise spank' (thanks for the term, Megan!) but I'm finding that the surprise 'come sit with me for a minute' works just as well and there are considerably fewer tears involved.

I probably shouldn't count yesterday in our 'non-spanking' tally because having friends over immediately reduces the odds of corporal punishment. But bedtime didn't include any deflectors and there were definitely some things going on that would normally have led to a swat on the behind so I'm counting the whole day.

In the interest of full-disclosure: I am still using the possibility of a spanking to get results. As in, "Do you need a spanking or will you listen to Mama on your own?" and "I am choosing not to spank you for this but YOU need to obey Mommy."

January 24, 2012

The steady drizzle is outside but sometimes I feel like it's in my head. Just thought after thought, dripping down and splashing around. I don't believe I've ever been unfairly criticized or belittled by friends or family but I've managed to do a lot of that to myself over the last few years. I detest that I feel guilty constantly. I don't put enough effort into lesson planning, I don't focus my energies properly on housework, I don't discipline consistently enough, I don't involve myself in enough; the list goes on and on.

I want to be happy with less but do more.

January 13, 2012

 I don't know what my bedtime was as a child. Maybe I had one and I complained about it. Maybe I didn't mind going to bed. I don't remember anything about bedtime other than running and jumping into bed so nothing could grab my ankles and periodically waking up with horrific 'growing pains' in my legs.

I do think that my children will remember bedtimes. Because every couple of weeks, one or both of them completely wigs out and is awake more than they're asleep and this means I am also awake more than I'm asleep. Lily is usually the one that is just AWAKE. She's not typically cranky about it for long, she just can't get back to sleep easily. Izzy will wake up and be just PISSED for ages. Mad she can't sleep, mad that I'm telling her she needs to, mad that her toys are not all in her bed... you name it, she's been mad about it at 3am.

I'm hopeful that last night was a fluke bc we were out a little later than normal and she had chocolate milk before sleeping... but if she's crazy tonight, one of us will be unhappy.

Definitely glad that Ben seems to have outgrown his night terrors. Up until a few months ago, he would periodically wake up about an hour after going to bed and be completely freaked out. Never a real reason behind it, just awake and upset. And then he'd go back to bed and be fine the rest of the night. I do wonder if medication changes made some of the difference... probably never going to know for sure.

January 6, 2012

I thought I would be more patient and understanding. As it happens, I am NOT. Today is one of those days that starts off pretty well but rapidly disintegrates into a pathetic mess. Between one child not caring how much trouble she gets into and another child finding new and intriguing reasons to wail, I have a splitting headache and no patience left.

This is not how I want to parent, spend my day, or transition into Shabbat and I find myself doing all three with no grace, no kindness in my heart, and a strong desire to just put everyone to bed and start over tomorrow.

It's only 6:28pm. Argh.

January 4, 2012

With every change from one year to the next, I experience a little bit of disappointment. I think as a child, I imagined that there would be a tangible difference when the date changed from December 31st to January 1st. Like when your birthday rolls around... you think you'll feel older, more mature, special in some way. And then you wake up and the day feels like all the ones before it. Your hair isn't magically restyled, your clothes look the same, and that smell of stale dog-breath still hasn't left the room.

I used to make 'uber-lists' as the year changed and each new year, I would read over the previous list and be disappointed with myself for not having put more effort into life. Now maybe my lists were too long or too specific or I was just setting goals for myself that didn't make sense but I eventually failed at even writing the lists. I think last year, I said something about "we need to repaint in here sometime" and that was as close as I came to setting a goal. I DID actually repaint our bedroom/bathroom but I never got around to the girls' room/bathroom or the downstairs walls. I haven't decluttered my house or my life and I know that's been on my list at least a few times. 

It may be time for a new attempt at an uber-list. I will not make one as long as I used to. 100+ things to accomplish in a year? Madness. 10 seems too trite so I am going to work on 13. 6 fun ones and 7 serious ones. 

Serious like the days of the week:

1. Actually DONATE the bagged items I've got stashed away. They aren't doing anyone any good as long as they're still sitting in the laundry room.

2. Organize closets. This one shouldn't really be that hard because I actually DO like making a mess and then cleaning it back up. 

3. More sewing. I have patterns for dresses for the girls and even enough material to make a few and I just haven't done it yet. 

4. Run at least one race. I'm already signed up for one so this is highly do-able. 

5. Paint a room in the house. Seriously. Really need to do this. haha

6. Study scripture more. I feel like this is attainable. After all, the Torah has already been divided up into nifty portions for each week and all I have to do is READ them. 

7. Cut back on spending. This one is HARD because I generally try to spend money on things I actually have need of and yet I feel like I'm often spending simply because it's there. 

Fun, like Funday.

1. Get a wok.

2. Write more letters to people. 

3. More date-nights!

4. Re-watch all of Gilmore Girls.

5. Attend another home-school book-fair. This was a lot of fun last year and I feel like it could definitely help to keep things fresh and interesting. 

6. Clean out old makeup/hair products so I can FIND things again. Yes. This is a fun one. 

November 26, 2011

It seemed, for a while, that Halloween was ages away and then it came... and went. And then we waited impatiently for Thanksgiving... which also came and went. And now Hanukkah and Christmas are right around the corner. Which means that before we know it, they will have come and gone and the year will be over and 2012 will be upon us. And then I'll have 4.5 months to plan Lily's birthday party and she will be THREE. Too much!

School is going well still. Trying to shake things up a little and introduce new things. We recently spent some time with an introduction to geography book. It gives wonderful explanations that seem to really pique Izzy's imagination and natural curiosity. I think she's going to be a visual/tactile learner when it comes to things like that. 

Lily is suddenly speaking much more clearly than before. Her favorite things to say right now are "It's not funny, guys," "That's enough," and "Nice to meet you." Her enunciation of 'f' sounds is hysterical to me. I'll irritate her repeatedly just to hear her say "That's enough, mama. That's enough." Her napping is a little out of whack lately but I'm chalking that up to allergies and learning new skills. Surely she can't be headed out of the nap stage already. 

Thanksgiving with the family went really well. We had an early dinner, as usual, with my parents and Anthony's crew. Waaaaaaaay too much good food. :) The kids were constantly digging new holes in the yard, batting shuttlecocks around, or letting flies into the house... I think that's how you know they're having a good time. Actual Thanksgiving day was spent with the boy's family at Joel and Stacey's house. More screaming, laughing kids and lots of amazing food. The only thing missing was Heather but she'll be home soon and then hopefully we'll see her much more often. 

It really bugged me that while Noah was there with us, his daddy was not... of all days to pick the girlfriend over his son! Yeesh. I don't think he realizes how hard it is on many dads that only have their kids for the odd weekends. I get the impression that he feels put-upon to have Noah as frequently as he does, rather than blessed to be able to see him as much as he does. 

Thanksgiving night, Sunny came with me to meet up with Megan and her MIL to go Black Friday shopping. I thought we were crazy for doing so but it actually went really well. Waiting for nearly 2 hours at Wal-Mart was a pain in the rear but being able to get what I was looking for seemed to make it all worth it. I think the kids are going to be happy with what they get and hopefully, not overwhelmed to the point they don't truly enjoy the gifts themselves.